Saturday, April 28, 2007

Randall's Scandals

Randall’s Scandal
Randall Tobias’ recent resignation as US Deputy under secretary of State and US Foreign Assistance and administrator of the US Agency for International Development (USAID) resigned after revelations that he was a client of Jean Palfrey’s prostitution and racketeering ring. You go Randall!!
By Mark Lysgaard


Another Bushie just just got burned
After the DC Madam moaned.
Randall Tobias’s name turned up
On Jeanne Palfrey’s phone.

The DC Madam’s prostitution ring
Kept ringing all kinds of numbers.
Randall answered for a nice massage
His job keeps him encumbered.

As ambassador to USAID
And the one known as the "AID’s Czar"
He told third world kids to refrain from sex
Unless you’re in Randall’s car.

Abstinence should be your Third World goal
So you don’t allow your virtue robbed.
Unless you’re in Randall’s hotel room
For a three hundred dollar job.

So the "AIDs Czar" is on his way out
Resigning for “personal reasons.”
More loyal Bushies burn to the ground
This is the indictment season.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Political Zoo

The Political Zoo
By Mark Lysgaard

There’re chicken hawks
Where war wimps walk
And young fogies for Uncle Sam.
There’re yellow streakers
And war stock seekers
And weasels who run the land.

There’re Supreme Court villians
With rules they're shillin'
By presiding over laws with their gavels.
There’re big loan sharks
That swim in the dark
And eat anything in their wake that travels.

There're paranoid geeks
And the Fox herd sheep
And those xenophobic vitriolics.
See the scaredy cats
And all the sewer rats
And those K Street alcoholics.

There are low life vermin
Under rocks they're squirmin'
And talking heads who don’t have a clue.
There're pachyderms
With money concerns.
You’ll find them all at the political zoo!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Chicken Pluckers UNITE!!

Chicken Pluckers UNITE!!
The president gave a speech recently to a crowd of “loyal Bushies” in Tipp City, Ohio where he talked about “Chicken Plucking Plants.” Here is my brief analysis of that surreal ordeal…
By Mark Lysgaard

In a speech the president recently gave
To a house of pre-selected Bushies,
The group was packed and packaged just RIGHT.
All things were nice and cushy.

And then the president opened his mouth
And pre-intelligence quickly came out.
“If you own a chicken pluckin’ plant,
Then you know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!”

The audience all snug in their seats
Were engineered to nod and peck.
They gobbled up each processed word
As the president said, “What the heck!”

“Everything is warm right here
Under these pretty glowing grow lights.
Eat well, my chicks,” I heard Bush say,
“You’ll be de-feathered before the night.”

The Ticking Time Bombs

The Ticking Time Bombs
By Mark Lysgaard

Thirty three hundred bombs have gone off.
Thirty three hundred of us are gone.
But those who come back with PTSD*
Could be our next domestic time bombs.

The time bombs were built in unemployed cities
And programmed with a catalogue of lies.
They were sent as alarm clocks out to destroy
Other time bombs, it’s no surprise.

Each rotating tour that keeps sending them back
Compounds their anger and fears.
Is the mission to never come back?
Never pay for the trauma we hear??

But for those us who return in tact.
Whose bodies aren’t physically gone,
Will still have the memories bottled up inside
As potential walking time bombs.

But the neo-Cons who profit from the disaster
And their war stocks that readily soared,
Say the time bombs returning are not their problems
They chose to enlist in a war.

So the ticking continues as time goes by
And it gets louder as they return back.
Shouldn’t we diffuse the ticking time bombs
Before America looks like Iraq?

*Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Tillman and the Tetra-Hydra

Tillman and the Tetra-Hydra
By Mark Lysgaard

Like any normal schizophrenic
With all the voices the patient hears,
The giant bully like a tetra hydra
Tries to hide behind lies and smears.

The DOD and the military brass
Like the brave new cowardly liars,
Sought to hide the Tillman truth
About his death from friendly fire.

The Brass had the balls to lie up front
And continued to cover and fabricate,
That the death of Pat was a heroic tale
Not the truth the tetra hydra hates.

With Abu Ghraib hitting the press
And Tillman’s ill fated demise.
Found the political winds storming down
The ugly tetra-hydra lies.

"Do not inhale all that bad press news
And do not destroy oil wells.
Pat Tillman’s death will also pass!"
Says the monster ringing more bells.

But one of the monster’s necks is exposed
In the Senate for public outrage,
Until the monster creates more chaos
And the public keeps turning the page.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

What is this Place?

What is this Place?
A question that Alberto Gonzalez and others in the administration may be asking themselves.
By Mark Lysgaard

Around the bend and above the law,
There’s a slippery slope of water pitfalls.
There are fuzzy lines
And legal land mines.
It’s where power and wealth try to stall.

It’s a grey place without the grey matter.
It's where blame is like a bar of wet soap.
Trying to handle
The slippery scandals
Is like holding lather without enough rope.

It’s a place where falsehoods tend intersect
Inoperative statements by those who misspoke.
It’s fuzzy recalls
When memory stalls
It’s sweating bullets with blank look folks.

It’s testifying inside the House
Where there are no chutes and ladders.
No trap doors
In wall or floors
Only pardons that may come by the Mad Hatter.

Tim Russert Potato Head

Tim Russert Potato Head
Earlier this month, Tim Russert failed to point out that Oren Hatch lied to Tim on his show about US DA Carol Lam and why she was fired. Tim failed to point out that Oren lied to him on national TV.
By Mark Lysgaard

From talking head to potato head
Tim Russert plays head games.
When we peel back
The elusive facts,
Tim has no Right-wing shame.

How do you like your Tim Russert potato?
How do you like your news served?
Scalloped or fried?
Reporting who lied?
But never asking key questions with nerve.

Should we boil the Tim Russert potato?
So he goes after pathological liars??
Mashed or baked
For Heaven’s sake,
Ask the questions of those who conspire.

Besides the crimes Mr. Potato avoids,
There’s a diet of question he already bought.
This whipped mashed potato
On the TV or radio
Doesn’t serve us much food for thought!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Partial Bush Appointments

The Partial Bush Appointments
Reflections on the Supreme Court 5-4 decision today to outlaw dilation and extraction or what the Right-wing likes to call “Partial birth” of a fetus in the third trimester even if it would save the mother’s life.
By Mark Lysgaard

Six years ago we talked about
Planned Presidenthood’s sudden creation.
An organization designed to kill
Democracy through demarcation.

Born from the court of trial and error,
A bastard child had emerged.
Like Damien an Omen would soon unfold
As religion and state converge.

Pay back ensued for the religious Right
As two vacancies in the court transpired.
Roberts and Alito would soon be the twins
Like two Right-wing babies for hire.

The Constitution is not RIGHT.
Inalienable rights do not exist
Prove to us that you have the right
Your guilty first on our list.

The partial Bush appointments contend
That a woman’s life does not matter.
A woman who chooses to protect herself
Is a notion the courts will not flatter.

So as we sit through Planned Presidenthood
And the abominations of which are born,
More partial Bush appointments persist
As the Constitutions lays tattered and torn.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Going Going Gonzalez under Oath
(Alberto Gonzalez will testify tomorrow under oath about the firing of federal prosecutors. A possible scenario of how things go down)
By Mark Lysgaard

To my knowledge I don’t recollect
Whether or not I mis-spoke.
The words I used may be inoperative
When I talk sometimes I choke.

I may not have meant what I really meant to say...
How those attorneys wound up fired.
So many decisions in so many ways...
My memory gets incredibly tired.

Sorry about those lost e-mails.
It’s unfortunate we can’t produce.
I’d give you more rope, but I don’t want to hang
My neck in the factual noose.

So Senator let me finally say
I really don’t recall what I said.
“That’s not good enough!” exclaimed Leahy
“We’re sick of the lies we’re fed!!”

Saturday, April 14, 2007

From Imus to Ignor-Imus to Anon-Imus

From Imus to Ignor-Imus to Anon-Imus
By Mark Lysgaard

Imus be a shock jock
In the media ratings game.
Imus be the gasoline
Who knows how to inflame.

Imus be the angry white man
Who conquers and divides.
Imus be the magnet for
Stockholders big high rides.

Imus be a media diversion
To not explore the roots
Ignor-Imus be a symptom of
Racism for more recruits.

Imus soon be Iwas
Who will echo away in shame.
Anon-Imus will be relaced
By hate in another name.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

V for Vonnegut

V for Vonnegut

(a poem for Kurt Vonnegut 1922 – 2007)

By Mark Lysgaard


God Bless You, Mr. Vonnegut

As you emerged from the Monkey House.

The Player Piano struck hollow tunes,

But you gave us Kilgore Trout.

We skated through Cat’s Cradle

On Ice Nine’s chain reactions.

We heard the Sirens of Titan

And Rumfoord’s quantum actions.

We saw Billy Pilgrim’s Slaughterhouse

And trips to Tralfamadore.

We felt his life in four dimensions

But always wanted more.

We woke to Breakfast of Champions

And Dwayne Hoover’s used car lot.

Driven mad with self absorption

And neurosis stirred in plot.

Thank you also for Slapstick

And to be “Lonesome no more.”

We yearned for artificial families

On planets like Tralfamadore.

Thank you also for Jailbird

And Dead Eye Dick’s Rudy Waltz;

Becoming a neuter for the neutron bomb

Makes us question who’s at fault.

So thank you Kurt for the humor you gave

And your books of whimsy and panache,

And all the words you spoke below

That satirical and rye moustache.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Whoren Hatch Hates the Truth

Whoren Hatch Hates the Truth

(Oren Hatch [R] Utah came out and defended the firing of DA prosecutor Carol Lam saying she was never a prosecuting attorney and she was a campaign manager for the Clinton campaign. These lies were debunk and Oren very quietly redacted his statement)

By Mark Lysgaard


There’s a street corner where he stands

In his hateful Whoren Hatch attire.

He’s from Utah

I think we saw

How the truth was screwed by this liar.

Whoren Hatch who was overheard

To say Carol Lam should be fired.

She’s no prosecutor

But a Clinton recruiter

Who was partisan before she was hired.

But the truth came out after getting screwed

And filed charges against Whoren Hatch

Who quietly recanted

The truth was slanted

By Whoren’s lies that Russert let us catch.

It must be some kind of social disease

That Whoren Hatch likes to spread.

With protection

From his infections

The truth once again winds up dead!

The War Czar

The War Czar

(Bush’s popularity numbers continue to plummet as he wants to create a new cabinet position for someone who can shift the blame away from Dubya and his illegal policy to invade Iraq.)

By Mark Lysgaard


Bush is taking applications

For a brand new cabinet position.

It’s a job that becomes the magnet

Of Dubya’s bad war decisions.

Who can take the heat off Bush

From burning near and far?

“I know,” Bush said in the mirror,

“I’ll find me a War Czar!”

“Who shall be my new War Czar?

Bill Bennett’s been a czar before.

Or maybe I’ll ask Don Imus soon.

He may need a job for sure.

Or Tony Snow could be promoted

He’d love it for sure or maybe.

As long as I don’t have to hug

My brand new War Czar baby.

Mirror, mirror I’m against the wall

Give me some kind of sign.”

“OK,” the mirror stared back and said,

“But first you must resign!”

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Don Who?

Don Who?

(Don Imus’ recent racist comments toward the Rutgers women’s basketball team got Don a two week suspension from CBS Radio. Apparently CBS doesn’t know what a pink slip looks like…)

By Mark Lysgaard


Don Imus got the word

That he’s needing to change his name.

Something that fits his toilet mouth

That fills the air with shame.

Shall he change it to Bill Bennett

And the Black babies Bill wanted aborted?

Or should he change it to Michael Richards

And the potty mouth he freely sorted?

The poor white man with the microphone

Who is oppressed each on air hour,

Has to vent his anger towards

Those who have less power?

Perhaps Don, Bill, and Michael

Ann Coulter, John Gibson, and Rush

Should all change their name to Don Anus

So we can hear their ratings flush.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Regents for God

Regent’s for God

(new revelations have emerged that the Pat Robertson “law” school Regent University is responsible for filling numerous positions in the Department of Justice*)

By Mark Lysgaard


Do you have what it takes

To ascend into the DOJ*?

Are you a Regent’s Law School grad?

The school that singles out gays.

The school is founded by Pat Robertson,

A law school for the law of God.

Now it’s the school that sends their grads

To the DOJ for legal facades.

Do you have faith you will remember

The context the Constitution affords?

Not if your Goodling pleading the Fifth

And praying to her Right-wing lord.

And how about Rachel Paulose

Minnesota’s new DOJ…

Let’s pray she follows the Constitution’s

Secular and legal ways.

Regents has 150 attorneys

Working for the DOJ.

Will Congress challenge the Patriot Act?

Is theocracy underway?

E-Trail of Tears

E-Trail of Tears

(The White House has not been keeping e-mail records on their correspondences on the government server which is a violation of the Presidential Papers Act.)

By Mark Lysgaard


Deep inside the White House west wing,

You won’t find bread crumbs on the floor.

Messages left on how to get around

Are no longer apparently stored.

The Presidential Records Act

That requires that records be kept

Has disappeared like bird breadcrumbs

No tissues as justice wept.

No government e-mail server used

By the White House by day or night.

No way to issue subpoenas;

No evidence to possibly indict.

So now we the people must issue subpoenas

To the RNC’s server of web mail,

Unless Bush claims executive privilege

Preventing the guilty from going to jail.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Head Scarf Pelosi

Head Scarf Pelosi

(Nancy Pelosi’s trip to Syria has the Right-wingers up in arms because of negotiating for Israel because of the possible US attack on Iran and the possible response by Israel.)

By Mark Lysgaard


In an act of defiance

From Right-wing reliance

House speaker Nancy went to Syria.

It’s obviously a ploy

For Dems to destroy

Our reputation with a Liberal conspiria.

How dare the House Speaker

Defy the White House leaker

And visit Syria’s President Assad!

Only the G.O.P

From the land of the free

Can travel for covert ops and facades.

And why was she wearing

A head scarf and sharing

Diplomatic memes beyond ’08?

A note from Israel

For talks without fail

And quash violence before it’s too late.

But the Right-wing meme

Is to attack her scarf scheme,

How can she wear a burka that wants to oppress?

How dare she wear

This fashion scare;

She's an American who's just hated I guess...

So scarfs on to Pelosi

Instead of our Bela Legosi*

For making the trip to negotiate.

For the future event

Our next president

Will put diplomacy high above hate.

*apologies to Bela Legosi and family for associating him with the horrific characters played by President Bush.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

New Neo-Conquests

New Neo-Conquests

(Where the president really vacations)

By Mark Lysgaard


What do you get a president

Who takes flights of fancy in style?

A White House boat in an ocean of greed?

Or a polluted river called Denial?

He travels to Never Never Land

And Oz and the Emerald City.

Will Willy Wonka be assassinated

And replaced by Gordon Liddy?

The pres is eyeing Lego Land

For a permanent occupation.

Disneyland may soon be next

For Mickey’s annexation.

Candy Land and Chocolate City

Will be taken in covert ops.

“Do not destroy your chocolate wells

Or your caramel rivers will be stopped!”

And then Boardwalk and Park Place

Will soon be under the president’s thumb.

Let’s just hope that the medics arrive

With Thorazine to keep him numb.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Strolling in the Dark

Strolling in the Dark
(On John McCaine’s comments that things are improving in Iraq and it’s “like a stroll through the park.”)
By Mark Lysgaard

Senator McCain
Was heard to Refrain,
“Things are much safer right now in Iraq”
I just take some asprin
When the neighbors are blastin
Their boom boxes that keep talking back.

Outside the green zone
Is a lot like my home
With a white picket fence and a yard.
Just duck your head under
The Black Hawks of thunder
I'm safe with body armor and guards.

My hummer I’ll park it
By a fruit stand market
For figs, pears, and pineapple grenades.
Paradise is good
In the neighborhood
Walk with me amidst sirens and raids...

It’s a beautiful day
The neighbors will say.
In the magic kingdom we call Iraq.
Like strolling in the dark
Or swimming with sharks
Our progress keeps us right on track!”